Left hopes coming soon to racetrack near you ....

(It was Cinco de Mayo when the actual event occurred, not Apr. 1. But, given the views of leftist political elites these days, maybe this isn’t so far-fetched ….)

Activists and Democrats from the White House on down hailed as historic the victory by Heemaneh in the Kentucky Oaks, the premier race for three-year-old fillies, as the first win ever in a Grade 1 stakes race by a transgender horse.

As Louisiana-bred Heemaneh, who goes by the pronoun “zir,” has done since zir transitioning began at the start of the year, zir decimated the field, as trainer Bob Baffling’s bettor favorite smashed the race record and won by double-digit lengths. Standing a couple of hands higher than any of zir competitors, from the time they left the gate all they saw of zir was zir rear heels.

“This win is so gratifying, not just for the marginalized and persecuted transgender community, but for me personally,” said Baffling. “This time, they can’t question my use of drugs for a horse.” Baffling, who uses he/him/his pronouns, recently came off a suspension related to his past Kentucky Derby winner Mecca Spirit, who uses he/him/his pronouns, who was stripped of his title when impermissible levels of drugs were found in him after his win.

Heemaneh competed at the New Orleans Fair Grounds as a male two-year-old last year with lackluster results. But that all changed when she surprisingly was claimed by Kelly Two-Spirit, an equine psychologist at Loyola University’s Center for Social Injustice.

“This presented a classic case of gender dysphoria. You easily could tell that zir ached to express zirself as female,” said Two-Spirit, who goes by the pronouns “ze/zim.” “I’m told that as a yearling zir tried to nibble at a female trainer’s hair barrettes and jewelry, was calmer with a pink rather than blue blanket, and rode more steadily with bedazzled rather than ordinary blinkers,” ze said.

After claiming, Heemaneh began ingesting a series of puberty blockers to halt any remaining male development. Gelding was postponed so not as to interfere with zir race program this spring, where zir delivered resounding wins at the Fair Grounds’ Untapable, Silverbulletday, Rachel Alexandra, and Fair Grounds Oaks graded stakes races this spring, before the Kentucky Oaks triumph.

Not all involved seemed pleased. Wayne D. Lucas, like Baffling a Hall of Fame trainer and user of he/him/his pronouns, opined pejoratively, “Tomahawk Chop developed as male to have larger lung capacity, a larger heart, and larger legs, things that make horses run faster that drugging cannot change. He [sic] has a physical advantage over fillies solely because of his [sic] natal sex and should not compete against them. How in the world can somebody disregard the physical nature of a horse and claim that a non-verbal being is telling someone what sex [sic] he [sic] is and should be?” “Tomahawk Chop” is the deadname of Heemaneh.

“That’s just ignorant,” said Two-Spirit, in response to Lucas’ remarks. “If you listen to the yearlings, you will discover their gender. It is not for us to tell, but for them to say. And if we don’t listen, we might as well help anguished horses like Heemaneh commit suicide as these horses otherwise inevitably will if we don’t affirm their gender choices,” ze said.

Pres. Joe Biteme lauded the win. “Come on, man, that is such good news” Biteme said when informed by a female reporter of the victory. “It’s time for the malarkey of America’s rampant discrimination and subjugation of anybody not a drug-free human white male Christian to stop, and this is a necessary step to that end. We should celebrate. Give the Big Guy a hug!”

Two-Spirit said the next step for Heemaneh, in preparation for the Breeders’ Cup this fall, would be gelding. “Even after zir monumental spring campaign, even after pumping zir full of drugs, zir doesn’t seem happy. Zir really needs to get rid of the oppressive appendage between zir legs and then zir finally will get relief zir so long has wanted in aligning sex with gender. Trust me; I have a Ph.D.”